For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Shame - the story of my life.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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