Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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