you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
