if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize