I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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