Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
