dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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