Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
