I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
