you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
