Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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