If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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