I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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