Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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