he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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