I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
