i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
