I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
