U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
