What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
