She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
