Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
