let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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