Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
