saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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