I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
