What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
