called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
