Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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