She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize