just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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