The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize