So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
