i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
