i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
