You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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