They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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