i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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