I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
