I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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