also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
