my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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