I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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