How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
