I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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