If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
