I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize