We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
