Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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