i used baking grease as lip gloss
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
