we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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