I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
