Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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