Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
