I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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