You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
