this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
