Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
