my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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