Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
